Poetry {130} ~ EMERGENCY ROOM SENTIMENTS

In these impermanent moments when life and death converge

Love is the refuge leaning in to submerge

When on the verge

Bleeding out womb wounds

Complications melded with fainting tunes

Sleep deprived, drained and anemia lurking, iron starvation twisting my psyche

Emergency room’s florescent lights dull hum at 18:07

Again she writhes in pain despite the painkillers she never wanted to take

It’ll end they say

Though there’s no end in sight

Death flowers up through warm

Forgotten past life trauma psychics say

Wait for the doctor’s diagnosis

Somewhere the blood flows like a poisoned river

Somewhere florescent lights dim
and all across the UK lights fade, the characters in the infinite dream

Lion-hearted mask drop
Not here
Not yet

How long can you keep up the smiling when there is a torturous void inside?

Dunked under, gasping for air

Anxiety strangling the soul

Sleepless nights wired staring at walls

Can’t cope with this trapdoor

Energies sturring up inside

Debating inside do it or not

Baring the observer of hundreds of universes spinning and mingling with my aura, an unconscious dance; tearing up inside, my ego spits me out and chews it up, the thoughts of what could be cut the soul into smithereens.. Quietly tearing through numbness..

Deadly delirous yet sanest sane

Slipping into the insane

When will the day come when the poems are pregnant with the sweetest notes of my soul?

The melodies caged within the worn out chambers of the heart

Waking in a pool blood bath

Storms whipping up in my mind

The devil is in the midsts

Can’t feel anything anymore

Salivating at relief, where are you?

Black hole

How much pain can a person take until they break?

The more you run, the more it comes for you

Hormones dishevelled, blood loss, flooding numbness and tingling, not well in the head

Stiffled, suppressed, help,making myself sick, creator of own reality, exploding a birth of supernovae cocooned within

Lost

Too much pain wringing my mind

I wonder how did it get to this

Where have you gone, where are you?

Did you ever leave?

I wonder if I’ll fall through the crevices, a baby chick dropping out of a tree, deformed wings

Running all night long, feeling in control

In my soul

Gold, brewing in the astral spheres

Oh I dream

Trying to walk to smoke the cigarette, my dummy, stuff I never imagined

Each step a knife cuts through my gut, coarsing through every cell of my being

Limitations numerological ruminations

Need therapy

Just hold me in yand never let go

It’s self love I know

Addictions on the verge of collapse

Delirious to connect, can’t do this, can do that, what the is that?

Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t weep

Depression creeping up, lack of oxygen, lack of blood, neurotransmitters befuddled up

Rumbling, I sense the presence of doom sinking and plunging seemly without consent

We are no closer to home

Yet it’s already here in this quantum striny

Flash of red-white ER lights

Wail of sirens

Bedded and waiting

Bleeding, weak, faint and desperate pleas of painting

As the IVs drip, drip, dripping clear fluids

Old blue hospital air in a room without sun

Still waiting

Yields to cell with the shield bearing insurers at Blue

Still the drip, drip, dripping of the IV bag

Forces me to keep my shaky arm down
against the blood panels

Exhale… resignation

Forced admittance

Transferred to room 5162

Hospital blue again

Beside colour coded lines beneath the signs for ante-natal, children’s, orthopedics, geriatric care,
concentric sets of double doors

Past murals hung on whitewashed walls

Filling space but not the time

Which stretches and expands as I walk the corridors toward ward three

Reception staff are busy at their desks, scuttling from here to there

Do they know they are working for the devil?

The unconscious beauty of being in service to others yet

Thinking the good they do, yet a knowing that the loop circuitry is to keep people sick

To make the orgy of money for the devil’s playground, maya

Here, propped up, I make a home for these momentary hours or nights

Blankets cradle me so the locked hair
cascades around the weary resting face
and plunges down as her safety net of protection

The Wheel of Fortune is on the big screen

As patients echo lulls in the emergency room

Churning, cold, endlessly waiting yet being in this carnival of melancholic abyss

Alone yet never alone. I love you.

~DiosRaw, 22/07/21

15 thoughts on “Poetry {130} ~ EMERGENCY ROOM SENTIMENTS”

  1. Neuro scientist James Hartzell has coined a term called “Sanskrit effect” from listening to the mantras some diseases get cured if not completely eradicate at most leads to manageable state. It seems mindful meditations help with the sensations of pain.Well, I am not promoting any belief just give it a try. Pain is the hardest sense to endure and advising is easy. Stay safe and be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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