Tag Archives: writer

Short Stories {1} ~ River Ganges Insanity

Washing off the days reminants within the womb of the River Ganges, in the ancient lands of India, a young lady named Anadi, combed through her dark black locks wishing she had fulfilled her guru’s daily tasks. Worried reverberations tensed her worn out body.

Anadi’s guru had instructed her to contemplate by the serene waters edge on the concept of enlightenment. She was trembling at the thought of going insane. Throughout her journey on the path of enlightenment she had visions of past lives, angelic beings, prophetic dreams and doubted herself, were these visions true or a figment of her mind turning her insane?

Observing the river’s candles lit each night floating along the river, Anadi realised in her mind “for the mystic swims in the same waters as the insane.”

Guruji initiated her, “you have understood the point.” Painting an orange hue on her third eye she became one of Guruji’s enlightened deciples.

“Yes,” Anadi proclaimed.

Anadi was no longer afraid of turning insane, she realised that insanity and sanity are part of the duality of this dualistic world. By using her mind towards the creator, and only him, she would return to sanity through the insanity she was so worried of.

As she lit her candle, with empowering energy flowing throughout her physical vehicle, silently whispering a prayer her body aroused from the dream of the dream she was living in. In the hypnotic state she was in upon waking, she had met her dead guru in her dream reassuring her she was not going crazy.

That very young morning, when everyone was asleep and the birds were churping their morning symphony she said her daily blessings by the river Ganges. “For I am sane in an insane world” she echoed through the nearby caves.

“I have travelled through madness to find me,” she screamed.

Madness is somewhere between chaos and having a dream. Anadi made sense of the dream by plunging into it and moving with the dance. For those who did not hear the music, those dancing were deemed insane.

And the world kept on spinning and weaving it’s cosmic web…

~DiosRaw 28/03/21

Poetry By Jeff & Amber {1} ~ The Dance Dances A Life of Its Own

Disguised within
the might of words lies silence
that speaks
inwardly, with
a spark reserved for the rendering
of our collective hearts.
Beneath
the surface,
the
words we ink, spill our surrender into authentic seeing
between
the spaces in momentum being, created inside that expanse at your center.
Be clear, my dear,
the way of opening is already
here,
just take a look at those concepts
you hold close,
transcending
into non-dual consciousness,
meaningful
and meaningless abstractions superimpose.
One on top of the other,
in a dance of mutuality and
complete singularity, so
breathe in deep, be silent,
and let those words go.
Do not mock a pain you have not endured,
you walk in shoes of yours
to express into words
the meaning of experience you chose,
once adopted these concepts we call words,
live a life of their own, dancing from within to the
page in a steady stream of consciousness
via the law of attraction, instead of simple reaction.
Reflected in the multifaceted mirror,
scattered fractals of the all,
squeezing the essence of awareness into our scripts,
fear not your own beauty in your creations,
for the dancer creates the dance to be danced.

~By Jeff {JeffFlesch} & Amber {DiosRaw}

~If you’d like to collaborate, feel free to find my email on this blog’s connect page.~

Short Stories {7} ~ Ego Delusions Amongst The Dogon

Amonst the elders of the Dogon Tribe in Central Africa a flurry of discussion was held by the Adrinki Tree, the main point of conversation within the community. The Dogon (or Kaador, Kaado) are an ethnic group indigenous to the central plateau region of Mali, in West Africa, south of the Niger bend, near the city of Bandiagara, and in Burkina Faso. The population numbers between 400,000 and 800,000.

Boko was watching from a distance within his hut whilst his mother was preparing his morning meal of goat’s milk and beans. Arrogantly he shouted, “Mother, when is it ready? I have to go and play with Hurani by the Adrinki tree soon once our elders have left this morning’s meeting.” “Boko, watch your manners, what have we taught you? Lord have mercy on us,” softly uttered Boko’s mother hurrying to finish her task. “Mother, you must make me this meal, I have to go, you know what, I will go hungry, since you cannot play the role you are supposed to,” Boko replied angrily. Boko ran out of the hut with his eyes still fixated on the elders by the tree. Boko’s mother tutted and mumbled words under her breathe.

Tribal elder’s noticed Boko run through the newly planted flowers without a care, he was to focus on this morning’s talks. “Boko, come,” a wise elder voice sounded. Boko stopped in his tracks and turned around sheepishly knowing what he had done.

“Boko today you will go with Narabi into the desert, you will find what you need there,” spoke the main elder. “Ok, but I was-” Boko churped. “You will go with Narabi,” the elder said sternly. “Yes, I will go,” mumbled Boko hesitating. Boko was itching to play with his friend and had no regard for finding what he needed, he knew everything he needed to know and that was that.

The hot desert sun made Boko’s forehead drip sweat onto his cloth dressing whilst flies bothered him, swatting his hand back and forth above his head.

“Ego is a formation of our identity crafted through our life experiences, the name we are given, the things we have been told about ourselves and who we believe we are. The God within us is who we truly are, the ego allows us separation to experience this incarnation and with a healthy ego, knowing who we truly are, we can flourish,” Narabi spoke whilst walking to collect water from the water hole nearby the village, they had followed a track into a clearing. Elephants, zebras and eagles went about their dharma seeking out nourishment from the heaven in the desert. Boko contemplated Narabi’s words, chewing his bottom lip.

“So, what I have created is not real?” shrieked Boko. “Yes and no, you see the ego is our sense of self; it is the illusory “I” story we carry around in the world as an evolutionary survival mechanism. Yet the ego is the source of all our suffering and our feeling of being separated from that which we truly are which is boundless, whole, and infinite. We might call this Spirit, God/dess, Life, Oneness, Consciousness, and so on,” replied Narabi twisting her braids observing and collecting water in vases for that night’s ceremony which Boko had yet to discover.

“So the more ego-based we are, the further we are from the Light of Consciousness which goes beyond the self? And if residing in the ego equals a disconnection from the Divine, living from a place of ego-centric God Complex goes one step further: it is like living in total darkness – the very definition of hell?” questioned Boko patiently awaiting a reply. “Father, was right Narabi, I have been silly and childish in my ways.”

“When a person is living in hell, they will harm others. This is basic knowledge that even a child like you can understand. When there is a total absence of light, there is only darkness – and how can a person see clearly, feel clearly, think clearly, or behave clearly in such a state? The result is suffering, both for the one experiencing the God Complex and those unfortunate souls around him or her in the village,” reasoned Narabi with her strong and wise words, an elder female within the Dogon tribe who Boko took seriously as she was the mother of wisdom, the nickname the tribe had given her affectionately.

Boko excused himself, thanked Narabi for her help in understanding the ego and ran through the village back to his hut and squeezed his mother tightly and didn’t let go. “Boko, what has come over you today? Are you ill?” Boko’s mother spoke. “Mother, I love you and apologise for all my wrongdoings, I have learnt, I am not my ego, I am the divine encapsulated within this body. Mother, I found something today and that is my true self,” whispered Boko still clinging to his mother. “You know Boko, you know,” smiled his mother with joy.

That night, under moon-lit savannah, the Dogon tribe initiated Boko under the Adrinki tree into the ascended ones and began Boko’s journey on the path of love, truth, knowledge and wisdom. For one day, Boko would be teaching another version of himself in another under the very same tree.

The divine disguises itself in us all, clothed in many dresses, yet the ego is naked, the true seat of self is the all, the fraction of the fractal within us all.

~DiosRaw 06/04/21

Short Stories {6} ~ A Prostitute Walks Alone At Night, Authentic Love In Bavaria

Young prostitute Maria walked along her usual path in the dark waiting for truckers who stopped overnight by the highway in the underpasses of Bavaria. Sex was all she knew how to do well, the kind of mind numbing sex, empty and void of true love. Stumbling, slightly delirious from all the drugs she had taken that night in a techno club where she worked night after night racking in the cash she desperately needed to keep afloat, to pay her rent, to feed her drug habit; Maria spotted a trucker in the distance.

The trucker’s lights turned off, pitch darkness surrounded Maria, her shiny belt holding up her short skirt glistened, reflecting the one street lamp a long way down the desolate highway.

“Hey baby, wanna have some fun, I’m Maria hunny?” Maria giggled leaning over the tracker’s door. “I will make your night’s stay here worth it.” Maria bit her lip seductively, she had done this routine before as the light’s inside the vehicle lit up.

Little did Maria know, this trucker was not the usual type she fornicated with each night in the early hours, she was too intoxicated to see clearly. “Prostitution and drugs, numbing the pain, huh?” Said a wise husky male voice. Maria stumbled on the sidewalk curb and fell backwards hiting her head, knocking herself unconscious, unaware of all happenings around her.

“Hello Maria, I’m Phillipe,” soothed a wise elder man working in a community in the forests of East Bavaria. “Maria, you’ve been unconscious for three weeks, you fell on the highway curb and hit your head. Here, we have been doing healing on you, we have shamans here, healers. I know you have heard of us.

Maria gasped, not only at her embarrassment of her situation, but she remembered this man who she tried to entice. She could not speak, she was utterly confused.

“Maria, shamans here have cleaned up your aura and your addictions, they have worked closely with their spirit allies to cleanse your soul,” explained Phillipe. “You are clean Maria, not only of the drugs you were using, not only of the sex addiction due to your severe trauma and abuse when young, you are also in a safe environment now. Here, where we are, is a community of good people living in the wild living a natural and pure life. True love is not looking for God within men or drugs, it is when you have found yourself, when you are whole and two souls come together.”

Maria understood all Phillipe was conversing to her, she had spiritual awareness from a young age, not only did she see ghosts but she could also forecast the future, claircognizance. “I understand, yet I cannot quite digest all this, it is too much. I don’t have anyone, I have no possessions or life and here I have come to a place I have seen in my dreams all my life. Am I dreaming?” Maria pinched herself and felt the burn within her skin. “Thank you.. Just thank you.. I.. I.. Wow, I have never felt so good.”

“What is true love?” asked Phillipe to Maria bluntly. “I have not experienced this,” retorted Maria.

“Love, true love, is when two are whole. Spiritual love is a love rooted in a spiritual connection that helps us find meaning and purpose in our lives. These spiritual loves can serve different purposes: some are meant to walk with us through life, while others are meant to teach us lessons. True love is ultimately single hearted devotion to God and having unflinching trust in this cosmic intelligence. The trust must be so strong that no one and no circumstances (no matter how much debilitating or lucrative) can sway you away from this. To love a person unconditionally is key here, often said yet a different pill to swallow,” Phillipe said clearly taking a moments breathe.

Maria could not resist her impulses, she looked deep into Phillipe’s eyes, intuitively she recognised his doors to the soul from a past life.

Maria spent months working with shamans to learn how to use her natural abilities to heal and went on to become a medicine woman who attended to people coming from far and wide to bathe in her newfound light and auric glow.

Tantric love making in the camp occurred night and day between Maria and Phillpe in the months ahead of them, falling in love with each other’s soul. They both had not ever felt such a magnetic pull between them. Although Phillipe was much older and wiser, he could not resist Maria. Soul age not human age formed their relationship. Maria learnt what true love was and Phillipe enjoyed Maria’s sexual talents in their hut by the lake, love making was never boring to them both. Maria and Phillipe could express their true sexual nature’s with eachother. Maria bore two children and forever was entranced by Phillipe’s kindness and life saving gift, now free of her past karmic lessons through her purgatory initiation.

Real love is a soul connection, two people who love themselves, joining and merging to become one with the divine.

~DiosRaw 05/04/21

~About The Author, My Story ~ Amber, DiosRaw~

Here is my blog’s “About The Author” page

Hi there, I am a soul from the United Kingdom discovering love, truth, knowledge, God and enlightenment. I am a full-time writer, poet, philosopher, free-spirit, traveller, artist, African Djembe drummer, gardener, nature lover, photographer, yogi, blogger, knowledge addict and student of the universe who is searching for truth, knowledge, what it means to be human and why I am on this planet. I love to laugh, stay curious and have deep, meaningful conversations.

DiosRaw is my therapy, a place I can be myself in all its rawness. I needed a place to get out my inner world and publish it somewhere within this global cyberspace, for myself and for anyone else’s consolation out there.

This is my journey, featuring daily research series on spirituality, philosophy and various different topics, alternative therapies, spiritual resources, journal entries, poetry, collaborations, quotes, proverbs, news, photography and anything that I find of interest.

As of May 2021, during this time of personal and planetary disemberment, I am experiencing severe health issues but I keep going each day through the hell and dualistic blessings of this wonderous cosmos. I live with my partner, who I met under magical circumstances and he has saved my life many times; my best friend, sharing many beautiful experiences together. I go betwixt the city and countryside.

I’ve have a passion for knowledge and educating myself with many diverse interests covering psychology, yoga, gardening, african djembe drumming, shamanism, philosophy, Buddhism, Hinduism, spirituality, astronomy, science, photography, music and beyond. I’ve taken many online courses and areas of study to try to gain an holistic view of the world from different perspectives.

My story began in a little village in England, growing up in the beautiful English countryside. At around the age of 14 I started to isolate myself more and more from the world. I was fed up with small talk, with the bullying and always looked deeper into things. I lost my hair due to anorexia, shaved it off and developed a rare condition called AMP (amplified musculoskeletal pain) which caused a burning, tingling sensation all over my scalp. This experience of loosing my identity, the hair, catalysed my spiritual journey as I started asking many questions. I isolated myself from everyone around me and spent most of my time in my bedroom. From morning to evening I devoured more and more information, studying science, religion, philosophy, spirituality, to find answers, to become knowledgeable and to create self-worth built on knowledge. I was a knowledge addict. If I didn’t get my fix of documentaries, research or if I didn’t feel I had learnt enough in a day I would feel abnormal and an uncomfortable feeling stirred in me. At this time I had a dark night of the soul experience, spending endless hours lost in the deepest depression, by myself, all I wanted was my own company – it was safe; OCD also reared it’s head to cope with the chaos of my reality. I never spoke much for these four years in a bedroom, I didn’t go out much or socialise, I had forgotten the sound of my own voice. Meditating night and day I was like a monk. I studied psychedelics, enlightenment and only wanted to pursue self-awareness and understanding, to be enlightened so to say. I read channellings about the spirit world, the soul path and believed I was following my unique journey. Everything will be understood in the end, the tapestry of life will reveal itself I told myself. During this time I discovered Ayahuasaca (a South American entheogenic drink made out of Banisteriopsis caapi vine and other ingredients) when I stumbled upon a documentary. All these truth seekers taking this plant medicine brew in the jungle was something I felt I needed to do. I yearned for deeper wisdom, self-understanding and healing. This medicine called to me. I felt a calling. All I wanted to do was go to the jungle and study with shamans, participate in an apprenticeship and heal myself. All my teenage years were spent waiting to board a plane to Peru at 18; I wanted to put the past behind me and become a new person in the jungle. I yearned for the jungle, it feels like my home and still does. The bio-diversity, the beauty, the rawness, the purity and the wildness pulled. “Please take me home God,” I prayed. I said to my mum, “I want to go home.”

I had a sense of purity about me, having isolated myself. All this changed when I went out into the world.

My long-term vision since I was a young teenager was to travel Central America and South America from Mexico down to Peru. Dreaming of living in the Amazon rainforest, after chancing upon a documentary, becoming a shaman’s apprentice, studying plant medicine and tribes at 18, when these plans came to an end as the retreat centre I was going to work at went bankrupt. Many shamans believe I am to become a shamanic healer in this lifetime. I was told, somehow it came up in conversation, that on my dad’s side, my great great grandmother, was a “quack” which means someone who dealt with herbal medicine, she could “see things” and people went to her if they had any problems.

I went travelling in 2017 until 2019 and nothing has been the same since. In 2017 I went out in the world to travel around Europe, I felt freedom for the first time, a relief from all the depression of past years and my hand burnt in the fire. After travelling I came back traumatised through homelessness, betrayal, addiction, living out in -3 degrees, seeing things any young person would be brought to their knees when endured amongst many other things. I felt as if I had lived a lifetime or more in two years. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia (a chronic pain condition all over the body causing burning sensations and cognitive issues) in October 2019.

In England from July 2019 I have felt as if I am in a hell realm, like fragments of my soul have left my body. Many symptoms trouble me: muscle tremors, shakes, headaches, head pressure, chronic body pain (tingling sensations of pain, as if a burning pan is on my skin, knives jabbing into my skin all over or acid is wearing away my muscles), with dissociation and disorientation, memory blanks; sometimes where I don’t recognise where I am fully or who I am. Reality is blurry, my memory is not so good, feeling on edge with hyperactivity a lot of the time with manic states, I cannot feel emotion, it is like being trapped in a numb decaying body, I cannot cry or feel anything except pain with no mood, completely flat-lined, transparent, like a ghost, my breathing is weak, onstant headaches and pressure, third eye pressure, fatigued all of the time, feeling as if I could collapse at any moment, racy thoughts that feel uncontrollable. I see tracers in my visual field, three seconds of someone’s previous position traced; I can see where someone has previously been. Spiritual abilities have awakened, claircognizance, I know when things will happen sometimes or information about events or people, I know by sensing peoples energy when they are lying or putting up a block, sometimes I can sense someone’s aura or energetic field, I know how someone is feeling just by being with them or from a distance and I can connect with people so deeply. I feel detached from the world, depersonalized, dissociated, derealized, lost in a dream-like state with no ground or foundation. Nothing feels real. The world feels grey and empty. It feels as if I have been on a hard drug for months like speed even though I haven’t. Strung out. On edge. Every day is panic for me. Survival mode. I have so much to give to the world and experience, but I cannot live like this, it is hell and unbearable. I know something has gone wrong in my body, a big neuro-chemical imbalance that makes me feel like I am trapped in a permanent state of a drug comedown; I did take a substance at 18 that I never feel I have fully recovered from, I have been in that hell state of comedown for nearly three years now. I’m scared and find all the things that come with human life difficult. There is no pleasure, food does not taste the same, it tastes like plastic. People sometimes do not appear real, like plastic and giving a hug feels like someone is hugging a ghost. I wake in so much pain and go to sleep in dire pain. Currently I am doing what I can to help myself, I tried councilling in 2019 but it didn’t give me coping mechanisms or provide clarity on the past, I was with a youth mental health team, part of the NHS, but every meeting consisted of filling out forms, I discharged myself. I somehow managed to work in a hippie shop from the end of July 2019 to not be isolated in a village and kill myself but lost my job at the end of January 2020 because I could no longer do it. I’ve tried alternative therapies such as massages, reiki, energy healing, gong baths and medications, I went to see osteopaths but nothing seems to work at all. The NHS has not helped me at all with my pain phsyically or mentally, left outside in the rain, forgotten and given medication to take which has further destroyed my health and has made me an addict. The pharmaceuticals have damaged my gut lining and I am only able to eat around eight foods or else an allergic reaction will occur. I tried to take my life four times in 2019 due to not being able to cope with all that is going on in my life. Some days I can’t get out of bed, sometimes I find it hard to communicate because the medications make my mind feel numbed and blocked. I can’t work right now, I am too weak mentally and physically, I was signed off work for a year since March 2020. I pretend to be normal when I have to and am screaming inside every moment of everyday. In March 2021 I was told I have major vitamin deficiencies, however I am allergic to all the supplements offered from the doctor’s and feel helpless as to where to turn now for health help. I feel like a dead corpse.

I cannot concieve of a future lost in a hazy cloud of fog crawling on the earth in the dark. I don’t know what is happening. I can do what I can, the rest I surrender to God. I pray to God, my soul, my higher self, my spirit guides and archangels everyday for healing to help me get through this and for me to feel normal again. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to feel normal and wonder if I have permanent damage, will I ever recover?

In the future I would like to succeed in my personal and planetary goals of writing books, starting rehabilitation centres for people from all walks of life, growing DiosRaw, spread knowledge, be a loving strong force in the world, travel, heal, love myself more and more, continue on the path of enlightenment, gain knowledge, become a shaman’s apprentice, use plant medicine, speak truth, make documentaries and friends, report on unreported issues in the world and experience many things on my bucketlist; above all to fulfil my purpose of becoming a shaman (a spiritual healer/medicine woman).

A brief synopsis of my story.

In March 2021, I deleted a previously successful blog due to WordPress censorship; I could not interact with my followers properly, the liking function was blocked, comments were deleted and the growth of the blog stagnated. It was tormenting that I couldn’t use the blog properly, all the blood, sweat and tears poured into that blog to no avail. I decided to delete the blog and begin anew with DiosRaw.

I appreciate you following my journey and hope to inspire, share knowledge, enlighten and spread love.

I love you. Love is the answer.

Amber, DiosRaw ~ 16/05/21

diosraw0.wordpress.com ~ Created ~ 18th March 2021

Quotes {1} ~ Distinguishing The Truth Within

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov